i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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