is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
