If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize