i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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