you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
