im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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