even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
