You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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