There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
