operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
