where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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