areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
