you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
