so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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