i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
