You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize