The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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