and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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