dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
