I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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