He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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