i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
