shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
