That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
