omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He called his prostate his "boner button".
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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