The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
