Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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