I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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