it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
