Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
