Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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