Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
