She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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