Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
