All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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