im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Holy shit dude........stairs
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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