My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
