So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
