I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
