I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I have fence marks all over my body
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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