while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
