Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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