what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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