I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
