i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I love having hate sex.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
