well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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