remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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