So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
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He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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