if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
