well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
