There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
