Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
