At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
