Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
