WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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