So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
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