Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
