I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
