This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
