if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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