Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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