It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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