Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
