She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
