Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
As shirtless as possible
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
