Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It's rum buckets o'clock
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
