Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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